Happy birthday to my future!

My babe refused to age. Well, "refused" may be too harsh a word, and I could probably use the word "reluctant" instead.   My babe is reluctant to celebrate this day as he is not too fond of adding a year to his age. There. That sounds better.   Let me share a few things about him. At least those that I know and I am aware of. :)   1. Doesn't snore.   2. Loves to sleep.   3. Patient - at least when he tries to wake me up.   4. Strict - I was only able to see this side of him when he dealt with my babies and Riza's kids.   5. Conscious - he always wait for recognition, regardless of what it is. May it be cooking, something handy that he assembled, whatever. You have to let him hear the positive of it.   6. Vain - this is something recent. He is too aware of how his body looks like. He is no longer overweight, yet he constantly bugs me that he has a big stomach. Babe, you don't, and if you do, i'll always love you for that. Real men don't need abs, right?   7. Loves to read. I am pertaining to forum articles, posts from the web, gadget blogs and the like. He recently took up the interest in reading "percy jackson" books. I am so glad that somehow I was part of what influenced him to read more.   8. Video game fanatic - he tells me that he "was", but it seems that it is coming back, but with more moderation. That's ok. At least it's not something that will cost us more than what we have. :)   9. Loving, generous, trustworthy - this i don't need to explain further.   10. I LOVE HIM.   I could think of a million other things to describe him, or to mention a lot of other things that could be considered as "him", however, I might run out of words and time to say whatever needs to be said.   Again, happy birthday love!

Sugarcoated Asshole

There are just some days when you would wish some people dead. I am generally a nice person but I can't help but wish anything nice to a certain person.   Magtatambak ng trabaho, expecting the figures to be nice, last minute changes, looking at everything you do and searches for error. No feedback from the account, mangapa ka na lang kung ano na ung feedback ng management ng account na hawak mo. No appreciation at all. Ungrateful indeed.   Ok lang. Konting tiis na lang.   Ang alam ko, hindi nagtatagal mga ganyang tao sa company. Ewan lang. Bahala na.

Bad Trip Lang - Epekto ng Double Shift

Bakit ganon? Even though it has been a long time, feeling ko, overshadowed pa rin ako ng ex nya? Tipong lahat lahat ng best things about him, pinakita sa kanya, from magandang pakikitungo to being "liked" by his family. Bakit parang nakukulangan ako? Hormones? Ewan lang din. Ayaw ko magsalita. Kase ayaw ko ng namimilit. Kase ayaw ko ng nage-explain ako ng sarili ko. Kase ayaw ko na pag nag explain ako, me makitang butas, sakin bumalik. Ayaw ko na pagbalik sakin (loophole), ako pa yung lalabas na masama. Ayaw ko ng feeling na ang tanga tanga ko. Ayaw ko ng feeling na kinakaawaan and napipilitan lang ang lahat. I am supposed to be happy pero dahil dun sa past nya, parang ako yung sumasalo ng lahat. Feeling ko paranoid lang ako kase ewan. Basta. Parang may kulang. Masyado ba ako accomodating? Masyado ba akong ok lang sa lahat? Again, loop of events. Babalikan ko ung scenario na ayaw ko mamilit, ayaw ko ng kahit anong sapilitan. Pag ayaw, ayaw, pag gusto, gusto. Ibahin ko yung statement. I am happy. Pero kulang. Parang nagtatago kame. Parang tinatago ako. Parang hindi "proud" pagdating saken. Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!! Gusto ko umiyak, gusto ko magwala. Gusto ko na umuwi. Gusto ko matulog, magkulong sa kwarto, mag-isa. Tipong dun lang ako. Titig sa kawalan. Hilata lang. Walang gagawin na kahit ano. Ever. Walang makikita or pagpapakitaan na tao. Feeling ko, naaaawa ako sa sarili ko. Feeling ko mag isa ako kahit na lagi ako may assurance na di ako mag isa (technically speaking, di na ako mag isa. Kasama ko si gabe). Parang di normal tong nararamdaman ko. Basta ang lungkot ko. Tanga kase ako kung ano ano pa ung hinalungkat ko. Ako tuloy ung nahihirapan at nagkakaron ng insecurities sa buhay. Anlaki kase ng difference. Ayaw kong umiyak sa harap ng hubby ko. Ang pathetic kase. Ayaw ko na din magtanong ng magtanong kase kahit anong clarify ang gawin nya, tamang duda pa din ako. Bakit ganon? Bakit ganon? Bakit ganon? I assume normal lang magselos. Mahal ko yun eh. Meron lang talagang malaking part yung lecheng ex na parang ako yung taga salo ng lahat ng negative na ginawa nya. Parang feeling ko tuloy, tamang duda yung family nya saken. Plus dumating pa c gabe.. Haay.. Ayaw ko na magisip. Baka epekto lang to ng matagal na pag stay sa opisina. Parang masaya umuwi ng LP magisa, kaya lang, tamang duda c mama. As usual, wala naman nakakalagpas dun. Chaka panay pa naman ang build up ko na masaya ako at sobrang loved ako. AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH ulit!!!!!! Bottom line, wala akong karapatan magkaganito. Kelangan lang lumabas sa dibdib ko. Under normal circumstances at condition, yosi lang katapat nito. Pero di na pwede. Wawa naman c gabe kung gagawin ko yun. Bad trip talaga.

update

and so my mom finally knew. I told her through a very impersonal means, which is through sms. I know. I am so bad for doing so, kaya lang, the blow has to be soften. And so, i think it worked out. I am to call her later.   I would have to text my dad of course and update our mountaineering friends. So much to do, so little time. My love's assignment is to tell his mom and dad, and at the same time, schedule his sisters for a visit on our LP home.   We also need to contact one of his best buddies about the wedding. We were kinda budgeting how much we would need. One thing is for sure though, we will not ask anyone for any financial help.   On the plus side, I am to have my routine pregnancy tests on Saturday, which means we might miss Joy and Delfin's wedding in Mindoro. So sad. In addition, we are slowly managing our finances which will mean, more will come in to savings soon.   I will post another update when possible. For now, we will take it one step at a time.

:)

8 going on 9 weeks and counting.   ilang tulog na lang, wedding na :)