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I am overworked.

Tarot, anyone?

Got a tarot reading last Friday. it was free courtesy of my company. was able to ask about my finances and love life. my finances should be fine, as long as i don't spend too much on little things. what really struck as amusing was the reading about meeting someone in December. that someone was to be a friend of a friend and will be meeting him at a party.. interesting, right?

in addition, i spent the night with a very special friend. i am thankful as he understands what i could only give him. hopefully, this would be the start of me finding what i really want.

stupid problem

i am currently reading my posts since i first started my blog. surprisingly enough, may substance pala, kahit sobrang simple lang ng iba. from heartaches to excitement, to being expectant, at lahat lahat na. well wishes at curses kung kani-kanino, it did come a long way, even if hindi cia kumikita ng kaperahan.. haha!

on another note, what really prompted me to write is because i am worried. something is definitely wrong with me, and i am not liking it.

it has been 2 years since i have been on a relationship and somehow, i have grown accustomed to being alone. i depend on myself alone and i don't rely on someone else just to feel complete. true, i miss the feeling of belonging to someone but in all honesty, naiinip talaga ako. i love the feeling and being in love, pero pag anjan na, kusang tumitiklop ung security and defense mechanism ko, lalo akong nagiging manhid sa mga taong nagpaparamdam saken. either deep inside ayaw ko sa kanila, or natatakot akong maging part ng relationship na alam kong di ko pa mabibigay ung at least 50% ng nararamdaman nila.

confusing, right? ewan ko ba. nagiinarte ako na hindi dapat. pero hirap kalaban ng sarili kase. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WANT, AND I'M NOT EVEN SURE IF I WILL STAY WANTING IT WHEN I DO FIND IT.

tangang problem pero the most difficult that i have to deal with so far. bukas ko na i-check kung ano tong pinagsususulat ko, for the mean time, this will stay.

j

pics pics!

The Only Exception

Out of boredom and the feeling of sleepiness, a song got stuck in my head.   When I was younger I saw my daddy cry And curse at the wind He broke his own heart And I watched As he tried to reassemble it And my momma swore that She would never let herself forget And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love If it does not exist But darling, You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception Maybe I know, somewhere Deep in my soul That love never lasts And we've got to find other ways To make it alone Keep a straight face And I've always lived like this Keeping a comfortable, distance And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm Content with loneliness Because none of it was ever worth the risk Well, You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception I've got a tight grip on reality But I can't Let go of what's in front of me here I know you're leaving In the morning, when you wake up Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream Ohh--- You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception You, are, the only exception And I'm on my way to believing Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

One Sunday

watched RED yesterday with a friend and surprisingly enough, i had fun. it was actually the first time that i went and watched a movie with someone. the fun part came as a surprise as i am already accustomed to watching movies on my own. it was a change in a nice way, though i myself am not sure of what will happen in the coming days. at this point, aside from being underestimated, i am also undecided. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I REALLY WANT. so there.

Updates! Updates!

September has come and gone, October is nearing its end. Oh how time flies. Just a few updates: One of my friends is pregnant. One of my friends just got accepted and is currently training in the same company I am in. One of my friends will be celebrating her birthday and we are currently planning a surprise for her. I am currently hooked to business. I am still looking for anything romantic, unfortunately, none of those interested interests me.. haha! I became part of the Quality Analytics team. this would mean more math, excel, and logical thinking for me.. bummer.. In a sense, this would do me a world of good, plus somehow, it will help me overcome my stupidity when dealing with numbers. I AM NOT COMPLAINING, this is just an outlet that i created since i would be shifted out of my usual comfort zone. Call me lazy, whatever. :) Pictures are to follow. At the moment, I am in the office, and resources are quite limited. joanne

here is a glimpse of what had happened these past few months. wish there were more pictures but as it is, i don't have a working camera, and i don't have any newer pictures.

family dinner:




daraitan adventure:




bohol getaway:

Stress

The QBR for one of the accounts that I am handling was done. Technically speaking, I did well (or maybe that was just them saying it because ??? i don't know..), but i knew it did not go well as planned. It would mean a lot of work again just to bring up the statistics of the team for it to make the agents' performances acceptable. Either way, this is a very critical time for me still. Oh well.

On another note, what I'm looking forward to is the Daraitan adventure. I'll try to do rappel and see where my endurance will take me. It will be a fun trek (i hope!) and hopefully, I would get to meet some new people (hmm.. i sense a hidden agenda <wink!>).

Rappeling and Basic Mountaineering Course by Piknikers Mountaineers

Will be attending a Free BMC and Rappelling course meeting this Saturday. I guess, this is really it. I will finally be a mountaineer. As far as I know, BMC or Basic Mountaineering Course will teach me all the basics of climbing mountains.

This is going to be fun. I just hope it won't eat too much of my finances as I am broke (for the hundredth time.. haha!) again. :)

Looking forward to learning lots.

Restless

I hate this feeling.

I should have been refreshed from a 4 day vacation but why am I feeling this low? I should be feeling pressured and stressed right now since QBR is fast approaching but why am I feeling so lazy and easy go lucky?

A View From The Top - Pico de Loro, 6/26/10

1 - 2 - 3 - 4

It's been a while since i posted a song lyrics here. So far, i have this compilation in the office courtesy of excel. I haven't quite figured out how to link a particular MP3 file without it being too big of a file (i now have over 70 song lyrics!), all of which are somehow my favorites. Here's one song lyrics with a very catchy tune and wordings when you listen to it. 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 by the Plain White Ts. :)
1-2-1-2-3-4
Give me more loving than I've ever had
Make me feel better when I'm feeling sad
Tell me I'm special even though I know I'm not
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
Barely getting mad
I'm so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
Its as easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There's only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words
That's what I'll do
(I love you) I love you
Give me more loving from the very start
Piece me back together when I fall apart
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends
Make me feel good when I hurt so bad
You're the best that I've had
And I'm so glad I found you
I love being around you
You make it easy
It's easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There's only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words
That's what I'll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
You make it easy
It's easy as 1 2 1 2 3 4
There's only one thing
To Do
Three words
For you
(I love you) I love you
There's only one way to say
Those three words
That's what I'll do
(I love you) I love you
(I love you) I love you
1-2-3-4
I love you
(I love you) I love you

Travel Fun

When i was a kid, i often enjoy long trips going somewhere. Regardless of where it is, how long the stay was, I see to it that I get to have the window seat so I can enjoy the scenery.

Now that I am grown up (but still a child at heart), I still have the same passion for travelling. I don't have the luxury of time and money to do so, but I do so whenever I can. I have 2 planned activities that are lined up.

This coming saturday, I will be joining a group of mountaineers in climbing Pico de Loro. This will be the second mountain that I will be climb, the first being Mt. Manabu. I am now feeling the same excitement that I felt when we were about to climb Manabu. I felt excitement, intensified, and energized. Somehow, a good nature trip does wonders for me. Here is the itenerary that they have prepared:

0330 Registration at Mcdonalds El Pueblo, Ortigas
0400 ETD to Mt. Pico de Loro
0700 ETA DENR / jump-off point
0800 Start trek. Note that jump-off point is 10 minutes' walk away from DENR
0845 ETA rest station, Basecamp 1
1200 ETA summit, lunch
0100 start descent to Magnetic Hill
0600 ETA jump-off point.
1630 ETD to Manila
1930 ETA Manila

Next stop would be our trip to Bohol and Cebu. I was lucky enough to be informed by my office friend, Rosa, that there was a seat sale from PAL. So, tagging my friends along, we will all be spending 3 days on both locations. Our iteneraries are as follows:

Day 1 - flight to Bohol, city tour for me and Rosa and her brother. In the afternoon, my friends will be arriving as well, we will be checking in on a hotel where we will lounge and swim, and laugh, and gossip all we want.
Day 2 - Danao. This is where we will be doing some adventure activities such as zip line and bungee jump.
Day 3 - Cebu city tour and flight back home.

I am anticipating a not-so-relaxing vacation, but this will also be the first time that I will be riding a plane, so there.

FUN FUN FUN!!!

A Desperate Move

all things considered, i consider myself a nice person. i don't harm anybody, i see to it that i never step on anybody just to get things to turn to my advantage. i was once played a fool by a group of people before, but that was all behind me. i was able to move on and put the past behind me. a recent event however, made me laugh so hard it hurt.

below is a conversation that i did not expect, much less the person involved. please take into consideration that after 5 years of being in a relationship with the same person, i knew right away who i was talking to.

legend:
ckmm20 - ako (joanne)
babolface20/ mj dirdams - roshel gutierrez pretending to be mj

if i had one regret, that would be was when i ignored her friend request in fb. had i approved it, then the account would have been tagged as well. enjoy!

(5:39:33 AM) babolface20: nabanggit ni seph na sabi mo "aakyat daw kayo ah/
(5:39:44 AM) babolface20: tinatanong tuloy nya ako kung naguusap tayo
(6:30:03 AM) m.j dirdams: hi
(6:30:45 AM) m.j dirdams: nagkachat kc kami ni seph
(6:30:57 AM) m.j dirdams: nasabi nya na nabanggit mong "akyat kayo ha"
(6:30:59 AM) m.j dirdams: ;)
(6:32:27 AM) m.j dirdams: may pasok ka ba?
(6:34:56 AM) m.j dirdams: di ka naman sumasagot
(6:34:00 AM) ckmm20: ano ba gusto mong marinig?
(6:35:38 AM) m.j dirdams: bakit nasabi mo kay seph yun
(6:35:56 AM) m.j dirdams: :)
(6:36:46 AM) m.j dirdams: how are you?
(6:37:21 AM) m.j dirdams: kylan ba tayo huling nakapagusap or chat ng maayos
(6:37:26 AM) m.j dirdams: it's been a while
(6:37:45 AM) m.j dirdams: just let me know if you don't want to chat with me
(6:37:31 AM) ckmm20: hindi lang ikaw ung pwede kong tukuyin kay cef
(6:37:48 AM) ckmm20: huli tayong nagchat or nagusap was before tayo naghiwalay
(6:38:09 AM) ckmm20: and you should know the obvious
(6:39:58 AM) m.j dirdams: inaadd nga kita sa facebook ayaw mo nman
(6:40:05 AM) m.j dirdams: tapos na yun
(6:40:20 AM) m.j dirdams: pinapaadd ka kc ni Roshel dahil friends naman nya mga ex nya
(6:39:17 AM) ckmm20: pinapaadd ka kc ni Roshel dahil friends naman nya mga ex nya
(6:41:44 AM) m.j dirdams: yes
(6:42:10 AM) m.j dirdams: saka more than 1 year na yung nangyari
(6:43:34 AM) m.j dirdams: she asked me yesterday kung nagkausap tayo sa YM kc may nagbanggit sa kanya na taga QA.
(6:44:09 AM) m.j dirdams: anyway, nagulat lang ako at nagsabi ni seph ng ganun
(6:44:18 AM) m.j dirdams: i'm still the same mj na kilala mo
(6:45:16 AM) m.j dirdams: laki na kaya ng inaanak mo :)
(6:44:53 AM) ckmm20: i am not sure kung anong laro tong gusto mong mangyari, so sure, i'll play along. a few conditions will apply
(6:45:30 AM) m.j dirdams: what play?
(6:45:31 AM) ckmm20: una - don't dare na magbanggit ka ng QA. if u think for a second na kayo ang kakampihan ng family ko, u better think again
(6:45:37 AM) m.j dirdams: conditions like what
(6:46:13 AM) ckmm20: ung inaanak ko, i am very much updated, di nyo kelangan na i-update ako. merong gumagawa nun para saken
(6:46:35 AM) m.j dirdams: i mean ok lang naman malaman ni Roshel dahil me tiwala nman sya gusto lang nya alam nya. sino naguupdate sayo si ate?
(6:46:45 AM) ckmm20: at kung ikaw man c mj, maybe i do, maybe i don't
(6:46:51 AM) ckmm20: start coming out clean
(6:47:03 AM) ckmm20: walang napapala kung magsissinungaling kayo the second time
(6:47:28 AM) ckmm20: i might have been fooled once by the whole perimeter team, pero, i have nothing to lose now
(6:47:39 AM) m.j dirdams: i just followed my heart at kung san ako masaya pero napagsisihan kona yung nagawa ko sayo
(6:47:54 AM) ckmm20: sa tingin nyo ba, maa-appease ng chat ung ginawa nyo?
(6:48:00 AM) ckmm20: di ako kasing babaw nyo
(6:48:37 AM) ckmm20: kung masaya ka sa relationship nyo, don;t waste it chatting with me
(6:48:44 AM) m.j dirdams: it's very obvious na galit ka pa
(6:48:52 AM) ckmm20: wala na akong paki kung nagsisisi ka or what
(6:49:02 AM) ckmm20: hindi maaalis un
(6:49:07 AM) ckmm20: or kayo for that matter
(6:49:10 AM) m.j dirdams: chinat kita kc nga nagtanong si Roshel at isa lang nasa list nya si Sherlie
(6:49:38 AM) m.j dirdams: anyway, di naman sinabi kung sino nagsabi but wala akong matandaan na chinat kita or nagchat tayo 1 or 2 months ago
(6:49:55 AM) m.j dirdams: ngayon lang i even asked for your YM pa nga
(6:56:44 AM) m.j dirdams: isa lang nasa YM ni Roshel si Sherlie. Di ako nagbibintang pero bat nya sasabihin sa gf ko na naguusap tayo. kaya kinausap kita dahil wala akong matandaang nagkausap tayo sa YM
(6:57:22 AM) m.j dirdams: mag2 years na kami ni Roshel and she mentioned dun sa QA na we are engaged
(6:57:26 AM) m.j dirdams: tapos binanggit yun
(6:57:52 AM) m.j dirdams: anyway, kung galit ka pa rin sana mawala na yan. youknow how sorry i am
(6:58:32 AM) m.j dirdams: i really love her and i can't live without my miel
(6:58:57 AM) m.j dirdams: ayoko lang nakakarinig or nagtatanong ng ganun lalot hindi totoo
(7:03:52 AM) ckmm20: it's funny, am talking to sherlie right now and nagulat cia
(7:04:14 AM) ckmm20: anyway, kung ung point mo lang is kung ikaw ung tinukoy ko kay cef, ndi ikaw un
(7:04:34 AM) ckmm20: unless nagka-amnesia ka, na di mo maalala kung nagkachat man tayo or what
(7:08:43 AM) m.j dirdams: kailan tayo nagchat khit ipakita mo to kay Shirlie
(7:08:49 AM) m.j dirdams: so sya ba nagsabi kay Roshel
(7:09:19 AM) m.j dirdams: forward to me what we have discussed
(7:11:18 AM) ckmm20: ano bang sinabi, at anong discussion? out of the blue, hahanapan mo ko ng kung ano ano
(7:11:54 AM) m.j dirdams: ask Shirlie ayoko lang sya tanungin ng diretso dahil nakakatawa
(7:12:03 AM) m.j dirdams: di ko ipagpapalit si Roshel kahit kanino
(7:12:13 AM) m.j dirdams: we are getting married and ayoko na ng chismis
(7:12:21 AM) ckmm20: alam mo Roshel, kung nagaaway kayo, wag nyo ako idamay
(7:12:57 AM) m.j dirdams: Roshel?
(7:13:21 AM) m.j dirdams: tigilan mo kami at wag ng guluhin
(7:13:24 AM) ckmm20: nananahimik ako. alam ko kung nagsisinungaling ang tao sakin, hindi ako tanga
(7:13:37 AM) m.j dirdams: sabihan mo si Shirlie
(7:13:48 AM) ckmm20: kung gusto nyo ng pagaawayan, madami jan, wag nyo ako isali
(7:14:06 AM) ckmm20: enough na ung ginawa nyo sakin before, di ako ung tipong nagngugugulo for the sake of it
(7:14:20 AM) ckmm20: kung ikakasal na kayo, well and good
(7:14:28 AM) ckmm20: congratulations in advance
(7:14:36 AM) m.j dirdams: and you are invited
(7:14:41 AM) m.j dirdams: tigilan na lang yung chismis
(7:14:50 AM) ckmm20: kung kelangan mo ng assurance - ayan, "i am so happy for you!"
(7:14:56 AM) m.j dirdams: ichat ko din si Shirlie
(7:15:06 AM) ckmm20: go, kung san ka masaya
(7:15:12 AM) m.j dirdams: delete me on your list
(7:15:15 AM) m.j dirdams: block me
(7:16:25 AM) ckmm20: u know what, di ko cguro buburahin, this is somewhat like a medal
(7:16:48 AM) ckmm20: biruin mo, ikakasal na, pero insecured enough para mandamay ng wala naman paki sa kanila
(7:17:04 AM) ckmm20: kakatawa ka

Time Out

I was reading my earlier post and somehow felt as if it was kind of angry. To clarify a few things, it has not nothing to do with vengeance. I am merely speaking whatever it is in my heart now.

On another note, today is father's day. i greeted someone else's dad but have not greeted my own. i don't have his contact number nor my half sister's. the only means of greeting him is through my half sister's fb account. so much for being a pathetic greeter.. haha! Maybe i'll talk about my daddy issues soon, or maybe not. I have too much laziness on my plate to care anyway.

Never Again

That will be the last time that you will order me around. I can understand that you are upset because of all the bullshit that is happening to you right now, but i will never understand why it will be my fault for making it happen. I made my point, yes, and that person deserves it.

Too bad. I was beginning to think that you changed for the better. Looks like it was the otherwise. What they call "circumstances change, but the people doesn't" is true. You are the same cut from the old shell that was from before. You don't care if someone was treated badly, wag lang mapahiya.

The deleted post will definitely find its way back to this blog. Being a nice person that i am, I'll just wait for the right time. Never again will i be made as if to feel like trash just because I made a decision to expose someone who thought and made me a fool. Never again will i trust someone who would play me as if i am the same naive person from before.

As they constantly say in facebook, when I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm even better. The fates is playing their part, and I will ride along and enjoy the view as it goes.

summer

i initially posted 2 pictures from our team building. we went to cagbalite, quezon. a scenic and quiet paradise for those who want to get away from it all. the water so clear, the temperature just right, it was the perfect way to relax. here are some of the pictures from the place..

woah!

i came, i saw, i conquered - Mt Manabu - April 17, 2010

movies

i watched a movie today. yes, on my own. i think this is the second movie that i watched on my own. good progress, just the same, inviting someone or somebody sometimes ruin my plan. here are the movies that i was able to watch for 2010.

avatar
paano na kaya?
percy jackson and the lightning thief
alice in wonderland
miss you like crazy

reading my list, it's not really a list after all. soon, more movies will be added, by then, i can consider it a list. :)

whew!

this is the first time that i visited my blog. the last entry that i posted was october of 2009. call it lazy, because there ain't no other reason. :)

a lot has happened (and i mean a lot!). from xmas parties, hospitalization, addiction to one piece and john lloyd cruz, to moving to a different account, meeting new friends, and adventures that even i had no idea of happening.

i'll leave this as is for now, with a promise that i will be visiting and posting more of whatever soon. :)